@ewfeez: "We've traced the call. It's coming from INSIDE THE HORSE!"
-Trojan 911 dispatcher
@Rhythms_n_Booze: Cop: What's the hurry?
Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down.
Cop: I was pulling you over.
Me: Well I get that. Now.
@lilgapeach30: I wouldn't say I never exercise. Occasionally, my nose runs.
@trentistweeting: [me trying to do magic]
Is this your card?
Is THIS your card?
"Not even close"
What about THIS?
"Trent thats literally a piece of ham"
@TheAlexNevil: All the king's horses and men stand over Humpty. Puzzled, they go back to reading the IKEA instructions.
@sofarrsogud: ME: Thanks for all you did man. It's because of people like you, we have our freedom.
HIM: Again, I'm a veterinarian.