@ewfeez: "We've traced the call. It's coming from INSIDE THE HORSE!"
-Trojan 911 dispatcher
@akmalshamil: *goku flies into the sunset* not knowing how the sun and earth really work he says "WHAT THE HELL WHERE'S THAT SUNSET BEEN FLYING FOR DAYS"
@13spencer: Girl: My dog bit my boyfriend.
Me: Your dog is a good judge of character.
@GingerHotDish: "You made your bed now lay in it" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed.
And other 5am thoughts
@infamousone96: You tell me to "walk a mile in your shoes" but the second I break into your house to steal your shoes, you call the cops. Make up your mind.
@bigmacher: When my wife sends me to the grocery store solo with a specific list I am not allowed to improvise. That was made clear when I got home.