@ewfeez: "We've traced the call. It's coming from INSIDE THE HORSE!"
-Trojan 911 dispatcher
@UNTRESOR: "Why are you wearing?" - existentialist reporter on the red carpet
@truegritrumble: ACCOUNTANT: *taking a look at my books* These are just winky-face emojis.
ACCOUNTANT: I think I know why your business is failing.
@simoncholland: Think you're smart? Try explaining daylight savings time to a kid.
@SoulYodeler: I just watched Bug's Life and cried the whole time I mowed the lawn.
@iVanillaGorilla: You know you where drunk last night when you realise you cooked your pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees