@ewfeez: "We've traced the call. It's coming from INSIDE THE HORSE!"
-Trojan 911 dispatcher
@chelliet22: Fidel Castro was alive?
@ceejoyner: a daycare dad cut me off in the parking lot so I went early yesterday and taught his kid how to ride a bike you can never get that back
@AristotlesNZ: The obvious way to smuggle drugs past a drug sniffing dog would be to hide it in another dog's ass.
@Stellacopter: If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.
@flashember: ME: I'm so happy, I could treat a horse!
WIFE: *sighs* That's not a saying
[spoon-feeding ice cream to horse] Don't listen to her Mr Butters