@Sassafrantz: What a beautiful day! The sun's shining, the birds are singing, the neighbor's dog is taking a huge crap on my lawn...
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@pungodly: Apparently "I don't like scary movies," is not an appropriate response to being asked to watch a wedding video.
@soanim8ed: Why do prescription pills always say "by mouth?" Where else would people put th... Ooooooh.
@JoshontheGo: Sorry, I can't take your call right now, I'm all tied up. -submissive's answering machine.
@Black__Elvis: My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch.