@ibid78: "WHAT?!" - a dinosaur that just found out what cars run on
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DaddyJew: Me: *passes out pizza* 3: no fair, you have 4 slices and I only have 2 Me: *cuts his 2 slices into 6 slices* 3: wow, thank you
@VerifiedDrunk: Finally nailed my girlfriend and her twin last night You know how I tell them apart? Her brother has a mustache.
@lovemyboots111: Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life.... Avoiding them
@XplodingUnicorn: I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.