@Bagyants: "What a nut job" I exclaimed, on my first day as President of Almonds
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@FreckleMcPickle: Been married so long it's almost like a first date. Husband is always wondering if he's even gonna make it to 1st base.
@rmfnord: If I was a ghost, I'd write "Happy Birthday" in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it's still your birthday.
@TheHyyyype: [philosophy class] PROFESSOR: u must question everything [later] ME: *grabs lamp and shakes it* what have u been doing all day?!