@Bagyants: "What a nut job" I exclaimed, on my first day as President of Almonds
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@michaelianblack: Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody.
@OfficialBanks93: If a murderer wanted to lure me out of my room all he'd have to do is turn off my wifi cause sure as shit i'm gonna see why it aint working
@jctwritesstuff: *sets cauldron over crackling fire* *adds lock of his hair* *does magicky stuff* Now love me. **POOF** *my left eyebrow falls off*
@MomOfTeen: Me: I need to lose my baby weight. Diet coach: Awww, how old is your youngest? Me: Thirteen.