@TheTweetOfGod: What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower.
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@BurroFuma: I saw an identical tweet of my joke! It was posted months before mine, so he's worse than a tweet thief; he's a time-travelling tweet thief!
@Jeffwni: [Ancient Egypt job centre] - Name? "Ankhesenamun" - How do you spell that? "Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest"
@ilovepie84: Mall security asked me to empty my pockets. My response was "you won't find a better job or respect in my pockets"
@HomeProbably: When people ask me about my hobbies, I tell them I'm into birdwatching, photography and meeting new people. It sounds better than stalking.