@seandunn76: "What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.
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@NYC_Blonde: A pregnant girl from my high school made her unborn child a Facebook and added me as a friend. I AM FRIENDS WITH AN EMBRYO YOU GUYS.
@behindyourback: "conference" comes from the Latin "con" meaning "together with" and "ference" meaning "the worst people on earth"
@Playing_Dad: Body: *sharp abdominal pain* Me: Oh, God. Is that cancer? I bet it's cancer. Body: Are you gonna go to the doctor? If you're worried it's cancer let's go get it checked out. Me: No, I'm good.
@SharkJelly: *I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death but my bicycle lands on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*