@seandunn76: "What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.
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@lisaxy424: Going to sleep: It's so cold in here, I'm totally wearing these socks to bed Middle of the night: GET THESE DEVIL FOOT GLOVES OFF ME
@fanofhell: [sees people filming a movie] yeah real original. a movie. like that's never been done before
@WritePlay: *burglar breaks in* *i reach into my nightstand drawer, get my phone, & take his picture* Burglar: No I have a double chin! Me: I'll post it