@Fazio_N: "What aisle has the milk?"
"Sir, this is a library."
*whispers* "What aisle has the milk?"
@_NinJar: G: Grandma (completely safe watch with grandma)
PG: Partial Grandma (slightly awkward)
PG13: 13 or more cusses (very awkward)
R: NO grandmas
@JasonLastname: The best trick to ordering pizza is asking them not to cut it. By law, they can only charge you for one slice.
@djdarrellripley: Her: We're having twins!
Me: WHO IS THE OTHER FATHER?!?!!
@AaronFullerton: Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"
@adam_bloomquist: If I was a girl named Isis, I'd be pissed that half the people decided to change my name to Isil.