@Fazio_N: "What aisle has the milk?"
"Sir, this is a library."
*whispers* "What aisle has the milk?"
@ddsmidt: If you love someone, tell them.
If they make a throat slash motion when they see you coming, it's probably not reciprocated.
@Playing_Dad: *turns on shower*
*shower whispers "eat donuts for breakfast" & "get drunk tonight"*
Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure
@iNusku: Twitter takes me places I've never been before. Take oncoming traffic for example.
*penguin strapped on my back*
Ma'am, is that a penguin on your back?
No, it's just a backpack.
Oh, WHAT'S IN IT?!
@iamspacegirl: Grandpa *pulls coin from my ear*
Me: Pft. Some trick.
Grandpa *shoves coin into my ear, twists my nose, peanuts begin pouring from my face*