@jwoodham: What animal do I respect most? The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.
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@KattsDogma: Meghan Trainor songs: -All About That Bass -Flounder's Good Too -Also I Like Shrimp -Wait, I'm a Vegan -All About That Kale
@Storminika: My friend just broke up with her man. I really helped her through the break up by letting her know he's no good in bed anyway.
@david8hughes: [last supper] "Tonight, one of you will betray me for 20 pieces of silver." "30." "Sorry Judas?" [sips wine] "I didn't say anything."
@lloydrang: Cashier: do you need bags? Me: do any of us NEED anything? Cashier: sir, I have a liberal arts degree too Me: plastic please