@ScottLinnen: WHAT are birds so happy about at 7am? What? Oh, right. Pooping while airborne. Good one.
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@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
@TheRealNickKay: WIFE: I can't believe you ruined my birthday yesterday ME: What a load of bollocks, Karen. I didn't even know it was your birthday
@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
@CherBear162: Well Officer..we didn't have a bottle so that dead guy over there.. "Him?" No the other dead guy..suggested "Spin The .44"..And I WON!