@AaronFullerton: "What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
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@goldengateblond: The worst thing about dentists is they put that paper bib on you but they never bring you lobster.
@sacca: Anyone who says "Let's all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
@Sean_Burgundy_: My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me