@SarraBeth: "What are you typing? Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It's not that? Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!" -Google.
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@trentistweeting: [staff meeting] PRINCIPAL: ok guys, we built a room to hold our P.E. class. what should we name it? [Jim slowly raises his hand]
@theresa_lauren: "Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on
@mydaughtersarmy: The horror and trauma of explaining homosexuality to a child, as told by an internet mom.
@nachosarah: hey pregnant lady slowly crossing the street on a green light it's a baby not a forcefield