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@Sickayduh: What color do you think Eddie Smurphy was?
Blue, you racists
@ginger_xtc: build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'd like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars.
Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
@primawesome: I haven't had bread in 3 weeks. I look great but now all I think about is bread. I'm basically a duck at this point.
@piyush938: A birth certificate is a basically a baby receipt.
@KattsDogma: Guys! I finally dusted my bedroom! And guess what? I HAVE A NIGHTSTAND!!!