@itsboyschapter: what dating me is like
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@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this
@briancthayer: [Halloween] Lady: what are you this this year? Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I'm at 10% and it's only 7pm. Lady: *faints*
@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?