@causticbob: what day is it?
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@_NinJar: 1st rule of snitch club is d- "MIKE BROKE THE 1ST RULE!" Ok w- "JIM BROKE THE 3RD RULE!" *police sirens* Who called the cops *everyone runs*
@SteveSuckington: I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
@daemonic3: WAITER: Ready to order? ME: First, I'd like to hear the chef's special WAITER: Oh yes he's very special [chef in background sheds a tear]
@michaelianblack: Fun fact: The hip word "chillax" is a combination of the slang term "chill" and the more traditional word "laxative."