@IamEnidColeslaw: what did I do this weekend? saw 50 Shades Darker & coughed through the whole movie on purpose
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@Underchilde: I sure get a lot of compliments on my people skills for someone who flips off 10 people every day.
@OakHill_: Sperm 1: I think I’ve got a shot at a Nobel Peace Prize. Sperm 2: Not me, I’m looking for a cure for Cancer. Sperm 3 through 18.2 Mil: We’ve heard good things about the Xbox.
@jakob_huber: The worst part of Aquaman's day is when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
@Reverend_Scott: How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex