@IamEnidColeslaw: what did I do this weekend? saw 50 Shades Darker & coughed through the whole movie on purpose
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@bobbiejo448: Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can't help but think, "Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you."
@lwhit_the_boss: I hate double standards. If a baby crawls around, it's "adorable," but if I do, I'm "causing a disturbance" and "need to leave"? Whatever.
@NolaChef504: "You take pills because you're crazy" "No MOM, I take pills because they make me tolerant of crazy people that don't take pills"
@dafloydsta: GOOD COP: Tell us what you know BAD COP: Or we'll turn up the heat DAD COP: DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT DAMN THERMOSTAT