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@causticbob: What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
@SeanINCypress: Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
@Shen_the_Bird: Flight Attendant: Is anyone here a doctor?!
Me: *shoving my way to the front* no
@HunkyBeefy: "What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?"
"No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"
@JB4Realz: ME: Can you have it fixed by Friday?
ABACUS REPAIR GUY: I wouldn't count on it.
ME: I know. How about Friday?
Him: I don't trust myself around you
Her(flirtatiously): Oh, stop
Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you went to bathroom