@RaccoonPun: What do you call someone with no body and a nose? Nobody knows.
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@Brianhopecomedy: *2 year old runs by screaming* *72 ducks chasing her* "YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THE BREAD."
@yoyoha: there should be a jail just for people that don't break apart kit kats before they eat them
@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: Guess what day it is? Me: Don't. CW: Guess what day it is? Me: Don't. CW: It's hum.. [30 min later] Cop: So you stapled his lips?