@RaccoonPun: What do you call someone with no body and a nose? Nobody knows.
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza WIFE: so you’re not going to share ME: I am not going to share
@blood_orphan: 3rd eye: youre on drugs 4th eye: youre a nerd 5th-7th eyes: ??? 8th eye: you are now a spider 9th eye: spider on drugs 16th eye: nerd spider
@kelkulus: My iPhone corrects "WHOA" to "WHOSE", which just made my text response to "I JUST HAD A BABY!!!" a little awkward.
@timdonakowski: Want the secret to success? Want 2x the energy without having to diet? Want to add 20 years to your life? Want less shoulder hair? Me too.