@tigergreengrove: What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some Lube.
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@Bearslietoo: Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire.
@daemonic3: Mommy, what are these? "Put them back they are sleeping pills!" Oh, then you shouldn't yell "Why?" [whispering] YOU'LL WAKE THEM UP
@TheAlexP: Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."