@Elizasoul80: What do you get if you cross a bear and a wolf? You get eaten is what you get. Stop upsetting scary animals.
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@jwoodham: Dear Diary: Day 41 at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. So far none of the other students have noticed that my wand is a Slim Jim.
@JenniferVaz36: Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it
@Reverend_Scott: I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it's slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
@abhorrent_wife: There's a fine line between confidence and delusion and I ride that shit like a bear on a unicycle.