@MourningGlory_: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T LIST THOR AS AN EMERGENCY BACKUP?!?!
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@lilgapeach30: Who the hell decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to write on maxi pads? "NOT WORTH THE JAIL TIME" would have been more relevant.
@StellaRtwot: When I hear "This call is being monitored for quality assurance" I think "Cool, let's see how bad this person wants their job."
@AndyJokedAgain: 7 A.M.: I will only eat the wholesome low-calorie whole grain cereal with skim milk. MIDNIGHT: Where are the chocol…
@koalaslament: I never know what to do when someone tries to fist bump me, so I just slowly put their fist in my mouth