@causticbob: What does a corpse and snow have in common? They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children.
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@BradBroaddus: My wife just opened my car door for me. Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70mph.
@elisemarie91: Remember when parents said "I'll give you something to cry about" & were scared they'd hit us but they destroyed the housing market instead?
@CaptOblivious1: I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes
@Cryonius: 3 things that makes me stress: • hot days • annoying people • stand close to annoying people in hot days