@canadasandra: What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
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@McGrumpenstein: FBI Agent: You're accused of attempting to hijack a Mentos truck & drive it into a Diet Coke bottling plant Me: ... FBI: ...I kind of want to see that Me: I KNOW, RIGHT?!
@Brianhopecomedy: *bakes 12 cookies* *waits for family to come home* *eats 12* *family arrives* 5 year old: "I SMELL COOKIES!" "Weird! Here's a salad."
@Sickayduh: MOM: You give that back to him, mister ME: Ok mom MOM: and what do we say now? ME: *climbing off unicycle* sorry I tried to steal your girl
@RubenWriter: The rain is starting to worry me. I'm afraid that because I have a beard that my friends will expect me to build an ark.