@Naked_Superman: What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
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@XplodingUnicorn: 1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That’s how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.
@RxitWounds: POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR! What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station staring at a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]
@ewfeez: Whenever a guy named Stephen tries to tell me what to do I shout, "you're not my real hen!" and run away
@murrman5: [on way to play charades with gf's family] I don't wanna go why I don't wanna look silly you won't *first thing I have to act out is pasta*