@badbanana: What does stormtrooper armor protect against, exactly? Knives?
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@Sarcasticsapien: Social media is basically like being in a bad relationship, you love it so much but deep down you know you’d be way better off without it.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: I just heard something downstairs. Me: It's just the wind. Wife: Go and see. Me: You can't see wind, Claire.
@ScubavelliDeux: *finally convinces self to date again as there are plenty of fish in the sea* Fish: I have a koi friend.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: me: *keeps bumping the back of my hand against his trying to get him to hold mine* death: quit it