@DoucheMcBaggus: What doesn't kill you, forces me to reload.
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@myonlymizztake: My date didn't go as planned and now I don't know what to do with this kiddie pool full of nacho cheese.
@Death_Buddy: "Good morning please could I have one human ticket to the water park" Sir are you a shark in disguise? *sharks fake eyebrows slide off*
@david8hughes: [lying with girlfriend & looking up at the stars] "Hey--" *points to shooting star* "You've put on a lot of weight."
@Sassafrantz: Just found a new app that that tells you which one of your friends are boring. It's called Facebook.