@Traceylei2: What doesn't kill you isn't earning the money I paid.
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@mrjohndarby: wife: i'm leaving you me: is it because i speak so quietly? wife: well you could at least say something
@thinkcomedy: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby
@ashleyaustrew: If you love someone, set them free. If they cry and refuse to leave the bathroom you're in, they're your kids.