@Aspersioncast: What doesn't kill you leaves you feeling rejected and wondering why you weren't good enough for death.
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@onion_an: [on date pretending not to be a dung beetle] Date: What's your favourite meal? Me: Poop Date: What? Me: SOUP, I like eating soup
@robfee: Worst things the parents do on Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza
@usermcuserface: Agent: I keep telling you, nobody is making a movie with pirates or elves right now! Orlando Bloom: (through tears) Are you sure?