@Aspersioncast: What doesn't kill you leaves you feeling rejected and wondering why you weren't good enough for death.
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@philmann: [me narrating a documentary about narrators] "I can't hear what they're saying cuz I'm talking"
@thejayroyal: A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
@BuckyIsotope: Closing time, son "Huh?" You don't have to go home but you can't stay here "But I live here Dad" *Dad stares at me* Don't forget your Xbox
@ThingsDrakeDo: A shopping mall. Drake walks past a man dressed as Santa, who yells out, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" "Yeah," Drake sighs as he keeps walking. "She was."