@blatchfordnews: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except bears, bears will kill you.
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@chuuew: WIFE: Did everyone at work enjoy the cookies I baked? ME: [pretending I didn't eat them all on the drive in] WHATS WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS?!
@JediGigi: Interviewer: Your resume only has "Mad" under "Skills" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway.