@iMikosnyc: What doesn't kill you was only practicing.
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@celestinelea90: This guy's shirt said 'blink if you want me' and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM
@Jennuflect: [me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men
@TheAlexNevil: How come when a child shouts "This is dumb" at a wedding it's considered cute, but when I do it, I'm immediately replaced by another priest?
@GoodZiIIa: [Arrested for prank calling police] Cop: You get one phone call Me: ok *cop's phone rings* Me: is your refrigerator running