@ChipKellysBalls: What exactly do you have to plant to grow a seedless watermelon? Just water?
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@curlycomedy: Passed a sign that says, "All you can eat, $30/person" but I don't think I can eat $30 worth of people.
@DiGiornoPizza: Imagine a world without pizza. No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I'M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I'M SORRY
@SCBamaMan: As soon as you see the cop approaching, throw the bag of weed in his hands and do a citizen's arrest.
@withanewname: Extra car key Extra house key Extra storage unit key Key to an extra apartment with a liquor cabinet - Keys to a successful relationship