@sofarrsogud: What genius called it a ‘bar’ and not an ‘alcohall’?
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@MrEd_EVH: I'm gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it
@carlyken: *walks into work 20 minutes late* *boss glares at me* "Sorry. Traffic." *boss gestures to my Starbucks cup* "Oh this? I found it."
@UnFitz: [speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married.