@missmayn: What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods? Teenagers these days be all “I hate you mom I’m joining ISIS.”
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@BallsMcBallski: It's been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn't go out of business or something.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis angrily returns a cheese grater to the store, "IT DID NOT MAKE THE CHEESE GREATER! IT JUST MADE LOTS OF LITTLE CHEESE" he fumes
@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead