@ManvAlcohol: What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
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@tastefactory: *watching horror movie where young couple moves into new house & scary things happen* This is unrealistic they could never afford this house
@kelkulus: A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever.
@MUMSIEesq: [3AM] FRIEND *opens front door* What now?! ME: Are you sure you don't think I'm too needy?
@slimmy_shady: At Walmart checkout other day:Cashier: "you have a dog?" Scanning dog food.Hubz: No, our kid needs the protein.