@ManvAlcohol: What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
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@NurseMurderer: My favorite part of eating alone at this trendy restaurant was when the waitress asked if I had cats because I had cat hair, "all over."
@Jamie1947: Things I Suck At: 1. straws, ha ha jk lol 2. Parallel parking, no seriously, I'm really terrible at this 3. straws, haha same joke as before
@Sickayduh: Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke. *flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta's face* Nick Cage: I already handled it