@ManvAlcohol: What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
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@inpoliteco: If you're telling a story to a group and are interrupted and then no one asks you to continue, ruin their party by drowning in the pool.
@buhsbaby_baby: Me: I LOVE Pokémon Go! Him: Are you just collecting caterpillars and putting them in your purse?! Me:
@TwatWaffler69: Wife wants to hang pictures of our kids in the bathroom. Like they don't already spend enough time in there with us.
@E_lok44: Me: What kind of stupid phone you got there? Him: Windows phone Me: Oh [takes it and lobs it out the window] Yes it is