@Awkward_Fun: What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
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@LMuenster: [orders 2,000 Big Macs thinking I'll only have to tell my mom 'I love her' for them] Cashier: that'll be $5,364.32 Me: shit
@KentWGraham: I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren’t allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.
@SteelCityDawn: A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded. What in the hell do they put in butterflys?