@alispagnola: What happens when you retweet a compliment about how humble you are?
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@CoolCamel69: "we're broke? how is that possible?" (extremely high pitched voice) no idea "did you-" *opens closet & hundreds of helium tanks fall out*
@wesjohnson8: Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"
@HiddenPinky: [Home after awful day at work, my dog greets me] Me: At least somebody's happy to see me! Dog: *shakes head, pulls banana from pocket*
@UrFavAsianGuy: I ate my dog because it ate my homework. Just kidding, I ate it because I'm Asian.