@DurtMcHurtt: What I lack in imagination I make up for in....stuff.
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@ZackBornstein: Doctor: I'm sorry, but your Dad's in a coma. Teen: Huh? Doctor: He's in airplane mode now. Teen: OHHH NOOOOO!!
@P_o_n_k: FRIEND: Is something wrong? ME: Listen...[trying to sweeten the blow]...I think we should put sugar in this cocaine
@InternetHippo: COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer