@P1ssed_K1d: What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
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@ambamthankyamam: Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn't realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It's causing quite a stir...
@Rollmaninoz: my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it’s no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides
@JamieGreenlees: Wanted: Human left leg, to finish the monster I'm making in my basement. Will pay handsomely. No weirdo's.
@iamspacegirl: Spider-Man, hanging right in front of your face when you turn on the bathroom light.