@Lmao: What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don't want to make something out of my life.
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@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
@SatansTongue: *daughter grabs 50 shades of grey* NO! *smacks it out of her hand* "I want to color!" ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK "But daddy-" DON'T CALL ME THAT
@JukeJointJesse: Just logged into Facebook instead of Twitter and I now feel like I shouted out the wrong name in bed.