@Lmao: What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don't want to make something out of my life.
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@RandomManik: -So how can we help you today Mr Benson? "Please. Mr Benson was my father." -Alright. So how can we help you today Mr Bensonson?
@Home_Halfway: COP: You're allowed 1 phone call ME: I'm gonna call your mom & tell on you for arresting me COP: *nervously sweating* Why would you do that
@neiltyson: If I ever met a Space Alien, I’d resist shaking its extended appendage, not knowing for sure the details of alien anatomy.
@Dan_Haak: Me: *being hauled on a stretcher into an ambulance* Shotgun! EMT: dude your gonna die if you si- Driver: dammit Dave, he called shotgun