@TheSnideOne: What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?" What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."
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@SwanieChicken: Is it still a walk of shame if I'm leaving my own house? It ain't like I'm proud of what happened in there.
@charliedelta7: McD's drive thru: Welcome back. Me: Welcome back? That's pretty presumptuous. MDT: ... M: ... MDT: The usual? Me: Yeah. Thanks Brenda.
@Sickayduh: "Ewww how'd that get in the house? I don't wanna kill it. I'll just put it outside" *scoops your baby up in a tissue*