@HRTSMRT: What I say: No!
What my kids hear: There's a really good chance if you keep asking.
@alive_and_dying: One day, when you least expect it, every single one of your problems will finally be gone. Oddly enough, so will you.
@NYC_Blonde: Dr: We need you to come back for additional blood work...
Me: Why, is something wrong?!
Dr: Yes. Your blood sample was mostly champagne...
@Kyle_Lippert: [A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married
@JermHimselfish: You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.
@ComedicBust: I joined snapchat yesterday; apparently my phone doesn't die fast enough for my liking.