@rogueMUGA: What idiot called him Alexander graham bell instead of lord of the rings
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@Contwixt: Me- "Sorry I can't" Friend- "Why not?" M- "Working on my book" F- "Neato! What about?" M- "It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"
@dannyboy7813: Daughter: Dad, did dinosaurs really exist? Me: Yep. D: But how can you be so sure of that? M: I've seen them in museums D: Really!! Didn't know they had museums when dinosaurs were about.
@nbadag: [the noise of everyone talking at a party randomly goes silent] ME: i call hot dogs meat pickles