@MikeCanRant: what idiot called it a fly swatter and not a splatula?
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@SaraMansford: Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning.
@JermHimselfish: I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.
@sdurbin23: Fun fact: Taking a box of condoms to the pharmacist's window and asking for the fitting room will get you thrown out of Target.