@daemonic3: What idiot called it a paternity test and not a pop quiz?
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@OtherDanOBrien: [2 toads chillin'] Yo, we should start a rumor that if u lick us you'll get high. "Whaaaat, that's genius." We gon’ get mad licked, son.
@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
@shawnspree: My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won't let me send back wedding RSVP cards.