@GrowlyGrego: What idiot called it a tree trimmer instead of a branch manager?
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@NurseSeymour: There are only two things in this world visible from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other is my pile of laundry.
@Lakeoconeebldr: This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.
@TheTweetOfGod: People often say things in the heat of anger that in hindsight they regret not accompanying with a punch in the face.
@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.