@GrowlyGrego: What idiot called it a tree trimmer instead of a branch manager?
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@CallousBalzac: [first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight Me: *smiles ambiguously*
@PeterClayton6: *buys shed at B&Q* B&Q: Are you putting this up yourself? Me: No, it's going in the garden. B&Q: Me: B&Q: I can't help you anymore.
@Steven37366100: [Home Depot] Me: I’ll take your finest home *All surrounding dads tear up with joy*