@GrowlyGrego: What idiot called it a tree trimmer instead of a branch manager?
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@themiltron: FRIEND: What 3 books would you have on a desert island? ME: My first book is more books. F: What? These aren’t wish— M: Second book’s a TV.
@CornOnTheGoblin: she loves me [takes bite of hotdog] she loves me not [takes another bite of hotdog]
@iwearaonesie: me: Should I pack condoms? wife*laughs* me*driving* wife*still laughing* me*checks into the hotel* wife*calls friend so they can both laugh*