@JasonLastname: What idiot called it blood spatter instead of axe body spray
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@zgbetty: This donut scented car air freshener is going to pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
@Mr_Kapowski: [magician rolls over in bed] "Last night was amazing" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]
@Dawn_M_: I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life.