@MikeCanRant: What idiot called it British conjoined twins and not chapstick?
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@SwirlySkittles: Playing Tubular Bells to end the baptism wasn't quite the closing my aunt was looking for but in my defense it did clear out the church.
@emceekayvee: Gym employee: Sorry ma'am, but to cancel your membership you have to come in & fill out paperwork. Me:*sigh* FINE. Where are you located?
@JermHimselfish: My doctor told me my testosterone level was unusually high. At least that's what I think he said, I could hardly hear him over the chainsaw.