@mofrorock: What idiot called it Canada and not the US of Eh?
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@Jennuflect: [taking my final breaths after a freak accident] Tell my family I totes love them *gasping for air* but like, roll your eyes real hard
@hammbone84: [On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye.