@GrowlyGrego: What idiot called it endangered ocean population instead of deficiency?
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@alexjmann: I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: When I saw "likes music" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!
@KentWGraham: You act like no one at work has ever asked you to apply ointment to a bunion before.
@Soo_Scandalouss: I leave spider carcasses on the wall to make sure the other spiders understand..