@plank_sinatra: What idiot called it "Fox News" and not "white whine"?
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@serialmatrix: How school works: In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples.He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.
@KentWGraham: ME: My New Year’s resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) …vegetables.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: "Jesus, please make me a better person..." Jesus: *deletes my account* Me: "NOT LIKE THAT!"