@daemonic3: What idiot called it jousting and not poker knight?
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@RoosterMustache: I hate when my phone corrects "hood morning" to good morning. Maybe I meant hood morning. Maybe some thug shit has happened today.
@madeleinedoux: Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn't m- Me: YES HI IM HIS CHAMBERMAID
@Brianhopecomedy: My son is explaining why my daughter is crying but I'm not buying it as I don't think she can even say, "Please kick me in the face".